Almost half of the tribes in the United States used to employ "bride-prices" when it came to matrimony. This bride-price, which was set by the potential bride's father, was paid by the potential groom or his family or both, to the family of the potential bride, and usually came in the form of horses, blankets, clothing, cowrie or Dentalia shells, bison meat, deer meat and other foods, animal pelts and skins, physical labor, or hard-to-get textiles, like cotton calico. The higher the bride-price, the higher the value of the bride. And in most of these tribes, it is not as though the potential bride was being bought and paid-for and had nothing to say about it. She could nix the entire agreement at any time.
The bride-price showed several things:
1.) It proved to the daughter how much she was valued by her father and by her mother as a contributing member of the family and the value of those contributions.
2.) It proved to the groom how much his intended was valued by her father and her mother as a contributing member of the family and the value of those contributions.
3.) Provided that the price was met, it proved to the bride how much the groom loved her, wanted her, and how much he would be willing to sacrifice on her behalf.
4.) Provided that the price was met, it proved to the bride's father that the groom was perfectly capable of supporting her and their children.
Because most Native American tribes did not engage in arranged marriages, the first thing that the potential couple had to do was meet each other. This wasn't easy, because in most tribes, he wasn't even allowed to speak to her without a chaperone present lest he compromise her reputation. In fact, Native American women were traditionally treated with great respect as the Givers and Sustainers of Life, and every effort was made to insure that their reputations remained intact. For this reason, in traditional Native American families, couples were not allowed to date. They might notice each other at a tribal dance or ceremony, but the impetus was on him to prove himself worthy of her attention and admiration, and not on her to prove herself worthy of him. So, like the preening birds or other animals in which the male is more attractively plumed and furred, he had to look good and be in excellent physical shape. He also had to show off his hunting, fishing and horsemanship skills, be a brave warrior, be good at sports like Lacrosse, be a good dancer, be a good flutist, drummer, or whistler, and know how to compose beautiful love-songs because she had absolutely nothing to lose by turning him down. After all, she could live in her mother's house or her grandmother's house forever, or move to her own house, and a woman who owned her own fully-furnished house had and still has power.
Once the potential groom had set his sights on a particular young woman and had managed to win her heart, and even before the subject of a bride-price had come up, he would have to run the gauntlet set up by her sisters, her mother, her aunts, her grandmother and her great-grandmother. These women would have known him for all of his life and so they knew all of his foibles, for there are no secrets in small towns, villages or reservations. They would know if he was kind, intelligent, courageous, noble, honest, decent, hard-working, disciplined, wise, spiritual, circumspect and good with children. They would also know if he was rude, brutal, arrogant, dumber than a box of rocks, cowardly, base, dishonest, lazy, short-sighted, greedy, sneaky, mean, sickly, a lousy shot, did not keep his weapons in good repair, was weak, a drunk or a womanizer. And since they were not in love with him, they could be completely objective about him, so it's unlikely that he could successfully pull the wool over their collective and skeptical eyes.
If the potential groom-in-question had managed to win the heart of yon fair maiden and had lived through her female relatives' inquisition, then the issue of the bride-price would come up. And how did the father calculate the value of his daughter? Well, it wasn't just her sentimental value to him as his daughter, or based purely on how pretty she was. Instead, traditional Native American women had many practical domestic skills and those skills determined her worth. Furthermore, those skills had monetary value, and could be used for purchasing other goods, horses, slaves, land, or acquiring cold hard cash which would benefit herself and her family, and by extension, her husband and their children. And the more skills she brought to the negotiating table, the higher her value to her family, and the higher her value to her family, the greater the bride-price to be paid by the groom as compensation for her loss.
So, just to have a little fun with what is otherwise a very serious subject, I thought that I would devise a Bride-Price Calculator. This is in no special order of importance. Please note that these are pre-European-contact, old-fashioned, traditional skills that in no way reflect modern life. Obviously, the higher the number of "Yes" answers, the higher the bride-price to be paid.
1.) Cooking Skills:
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to grow or gather fruit, ripe nuts, berries and the right greens?
Yes____ No ____ Is she a good cook?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to dry, pound and possibly acorns, tree bark, corn, mesquite seeds, water-lily seeds, or other seeds, pods or nuts into pulp and make them into tasty mush or bread?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to dry berries, fruits, vegetables and herbs?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to dry or smoke different kinds of meat?
Yes____ No _____ Does she know how to make edible pemmican if this is a food eaten by your tribe?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to plant and tend a garden and orchard?
Yes____ No _____ Does she have a "green thumb?"
2.) Parenting Skills:
Yes____ No ____ Does she want children?
Yes____ No _____ Is there a good chance that she's fertile?
Yes____ No ____ Is she maternal, protective, hard-working, wise, even-tempered, patient, and nurturing?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to use a bow and arrow and throw a tomahawk or spear in case she needs to protect the children or the tribe from attack?
3.) Sewing Skills:
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to scrape the hair off of hides, separate the sinew for use as thread, soften the hides with the animal's brains, stretch the hide, wash the hide, how long to let it dry in the sun, and how to cut it into appropriate shapes if this is a tradition of your tribe?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to separate fibers from various plants for use as thread and how to prepare said fibers for weaving into clothing or blankets if this is a tradition of your tribe?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to card wool, spin it into yarn and weave it into clothing or blankets, if this is a tradition of your tribe?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to sew tunics, shirts, breechcloths, trousers, vests, dresses, skirts and blankets?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to make moccasins out of deer or elk skin, or sandals out of rush or leather?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to do beading, make fringes, and do quill-work?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to make head-dresses, pouches, saddlebags and other accessories out of animal skins?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to weave baskets and mats?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to make pottery?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to make platters and spoons out of wood or clay?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to make jewelry out of beads, shells, feathers, teeth and/or claws?
4.) Homemaking Skills:
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to make and erect a teepee, a wigwam or wickiup out of wood, bark, branches, or skins?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to keep her home clean, aerated and comfortable?
Yes____ No _____ Does she know how to make and keep a fire burning in the hearth?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to decorate beautifully, efficiently and cost-effectively?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to pack a travois?
5.) Personal Skills:
Yes____ No ____ Does she bathe every day?
Yes____ No ____ Does she brush her teeth, get dressed and brush her hair every day?
Yes____ No ____ Does she know how to shave her husband's beard or head of hair, if that is the custom of your tribe?
Yes____ No ____ Does she have or know how to apply tattoos or war paint if that is the custom of your tribe?
Yes____ No ____ Is she reasonably pleasant, intelligent, wise, honest and kind?
Yes____ No ____ Is she pretty?
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